Surprise! We eat and drink!

Why is it that just about every other profession can get together in a public place without any repercussions? I guess some people have nothing better to do than to bitch and complain.

You see a group of employees from waste management eating lunch at a local place and no problem. I'll see several UPS trucks parked near a restaurant with the drivers inside eating and no problem. I've even seen a crew of South City maintenance workers taking up an eatery and yeah, no problem. Hell I'll even see a fire truck parked at a local coffee shop with its crew having coffee..... no problem.

You get a motor unit at a restaurant and some citizen complains. Maybe they received a ticket from one of us and figure some type of pay back is due. As usual they don't have the intestinal fortitude to leave a name when they make their complaint.

Of course this person just plain lacks common sense. Lets see, several motor officers all gathered at one location eating lunch.... hmmmm. That probably means nobody is watching the streets for speeders and other violators of the California Vehicle Code. Go figure.

Well, we now get our lunches to go and meet at an out of the way place, out of the way from whining, butt sore citizens who are the same people who complain if we stop and get a cup of coffee in the morning.

People, we're entitled to a couple of breaks as well as a meal period during our shift. Get over it and get a life.

Damned if we do, damned if we don't.

Dad is work fun?

My son who is in the first grade asked me one day, "Dad is work fun?" Now I had to clarify his question. Is what I do for work fun or being a grown up and having to work fun? He meant the latter.

I told him that was a good question, IS WORK FUN? I explained to him that its important to chose a path in life which makes you happy in every respect. I told him when I finished my military service I had actually gotten out without having a job set up. Irresponsible? Maybe, maybe not. I was kinda tired of having Uncle Sam running my life and being away from home more times than not gets real old.

So as a new civilian I took the first job that I saw fit my military experience. I started out making $7 an hour back in the day. After almost two years of working this dead end job, my employer saw fit that my hourly wage was $9 an hour. Now I knew this job wasn't my future.

My original plan was to get out of the military and apply for law enforcement jobs. Little did I count on our country being in a recession and little to no law enforcement agencies hiring. Those that were hiring wanted a college education which I lacked. To better my career prospects I had enrolled in night classes at the local community college.

I was fortunate enough to be hired and paid to go through the Police Academy with benefits with a bay area agency. I can honestly say that every assignment I've had in my law enforcement career has been fun and challenging.

So to get back to my son's question. I told him there aren't very many people who work their days living their childhood dream of being a motor cop. Hey I loved working graveyard patrol, but being a motor cop is icing on the cake. I had dreamed of being a motor cop as a child but really never thought it would happen. I was happy enough just wearing the uniform and badge.

I told him every day at work is fun for me. I work with a group of great guys I've known for years, I work for a great department with a great schedule (I work 3 days a week, hell I'm off more days during the year than I am at work).

I told my son to chose a job / career that he would absolutely love. He told me he didn't want to be a policeman. I'm proud that he had the cojones to tell me that at his young age.

So my son's little comment allowed me to reflect on a topic that I too often take for granted. My first job out of the military SUCKED! Every Monday I'd try and think of an excuse I hadn't used before to get out of work. As many years as I've been a cop, I still love going to work. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy my weekends like everyone else, but when my Monday rolls around I'm ready to get back to some fun.

Now the question I asked my son is what he wanted to be when he grew up. He told me he'd like to be a veterinarian or a chef. I told him to go for it and as he grew older he'd realize where his passion lay.

Kind of odd choices together.

Of course the cop humor came quietly to play in my mind...... veterinarian or chef..... the light bulb came on! He could open a veterinarian clinic right next to his Southeast Asian Cuisine restaurant.

RHIP (rank has it's priviliges)

The Sergeant and I were riding around tandem on a "training" ride. We rode through several local jurisdictions when he remembered he had a meeting to attend.

So we kind of stepped on it and moved out so he'd get to his meeting on time. As we're riding he gets my attention and points at his gas gage. When we stopped at the next stop light he tells me his low fuel light was on and he didn't know how long it's been on.

We were about a mile and a half away from the PD where his meeting was. We round a corner as I heard his motor sputter. He motions to me that he's got to pull over. Now here we are on one of our city's main thoroughfares and he's run out of fuel. It was five minutes to meeting time. My gas tank was almost full.

Yeah you guessed it. He pulled that "I've got Sergeant stripes on my sleeve and you have none." He tells me, "Hey I hate to do this 2WT, but I'm commandeering you motor so I can get to my meeting." I don't think he really hated it as he was laughing when he rode off.

Me I had to request a tow truck via our dispatch center. The dispatcher asked the need for a tow. Of course I had to let everyone know why.... "Because the Sergeant ran out of gas."

I had several motorists stop and ask if everything was okay. Yeah of course, I just figured I'd turn on the motor's hazard lights on, park on the shoulder of the road and stand here looking important.

In retrospect, I should have played ignorant and pretended not to understand the Sergeant's gestures to pull over and ridden off, down the roadway. Next time I'll know better.

Higher education in the Peoples Republic of Berkeley?

This past Friday was a beautiful day. The weather was a little on the warm side to be wearing wool riding breeches, motor boots, you know the typical motor garb. But hey, I'm not complaining. I love working in beautiful weather.

The day was nice. I had the opportunity to "meet" numerous drivers, all of which were not happy to meet me. We motor guys have an "eye" for things. We can be riding around minding our own business (at least we like you to think we are) and it doesn't matter how fast we're traveling down a city street. WE SEE THINGS! Things like vehicle code violations, such as talking on you cellular phone in a non hands free mode, or not wearing your seat belt, unsafe turns, etc. etc.

I was stopped in a left turn pocket of one of our city roadways. This idiot slows to a stop in the lane to my right slightly ahead of me and I can see through his windows that his seat belt was not being worn. I pulled behind him and sure enough, that bright shiny buckle was dangling from the B-pillar of his car.

I turn on my emergency lights and give a short blast of the siren and motion for the driver to make a right at the intersection. As we're pulling in I watch the driver put his seat belt on, I guess hoping I wouldn't see it.

Our conversation went something like this;

Me: Good afternoon, may I get your license registration and insurance card.
Idiot: Is there a problem Officer, why are you stopping me?
Me: I noticed as you stopped by me you didn't have your seat belt on.
Idiot: But it is on. I think you're mistaken Officer.
Me: It wasn't on when you slowed to a stop near me.
Idiot: But I have it on. (notice he never used past tense)
Me: I need that information from you, you know driver license, registration and insurance.
Idiot: My wallet was stolen yesterday and I don't have it.

So I get his information verbally and ask if there are any past tickets or addresses he lived at to try and verify he's giving me his true name as people never lie to the police.

He shows me a bank debit card with the name he provided me. I told him I was going to issue a citation for the seat belt violation. He told me he was a college student and didn't have a lot of money. When I told him I'd be right back, he tried another excuse of just being headed to the gym for a quick workout... I didn't quite get how that one is supposed to get you out of a ticket. His final one was his brother was graduating. Woo Hoo! Well hell, why didn't you say so? Never mind then, you can go happily on your way then..... bullshit. You're going to get a ticket pal.

I walk back to my motor and begin to scratch out a rag. I heard the driver yell several expletives as I watched him punch the interior of his car. I continued to write his ticket as I would look up quite frequently and noticed his car was shaking from all of his motion. Then he starts blasting on the horn which pretty much drown out his expletives.

This type of behavior really makes me want to make sure that my printing on the citation is SUPER LEGIBLE, you know that really clean, architectural type printing that you sure don't rush.

So I get the rest of his driver license information like the DL number, physical description and any history of violations from the dispatcher. I walked back up to the driver door and explain that his signature is not an admission of guilt, etc. etc. I lay my ticket book on the door and hand him my pen.

Idiot scratches an "X" in the signature box. Then the following dialog occurred.

Me: Is that how your signature appears on your driver license?
Idiot: Yeah.

Well because Idiot didn't have any type of formal I.D. on him I always take a right thumb print as Cal. DMV has right thumb prints on file of all licensed drivers in the golden state.

Me: I need your right thumb (as I open up my small ink pad).
Idiot: I don't think you can do that, I know my rights.
Me: You may know your rights, but I need your right thumb print because you don't have any formal picture I.D.
Idiot: I know my rights, I don't have to give you my thumb.
Me: You know your right, step out of the car because your under arrest.
Idiot: WHAT?!
Me: (Loudly) YOU WANNA PLAY THAT GAME? OKAY, I'LL YANK YOU OUT OF THAT CAR, HAND CUFF YOU AND CALL A PATROL CAR OUT HERE AND PLACE YOU IN THE BACK. THEN YOU'LL BE TAKEN TO THE COUNTY JAIL TO BE PROPERLY IDENTIFIED AND YOU MIGHT GET OUT BEFORE MIDNIGHT BECAUSE FRIDAY'S ARE PRETTY BUSY THERE.
Idiot: Okay, Okay, I'll give you my thumb. (hands his left thumb to me)
Me: YOUR OTHER RIGHT!

So I get Idiot's right thumb and hand him his copy of the ticket as he says in a very condescending tone, "Thanks for doing your job officer."

Me: Why thank you and you're welcome. Oh by the way, what college do you go to?
Idiot: Berkeley
Me: That explains it.
Idiot: Explains what?
Me: Most people your age, especially those attending higher educational institutions know how to spell and write their names. Oh and most kids in kindergarten know their left from the right too.
Idiot: Thanks again officer (again in a condescending tone).
Me: No problem, oh I forgot to tell you. You have additional violations of not having your driver license with you, unnecessary use of the horn and not having a current insurance card with you.

Don't play me for stupid when I witness a violation. If I'm only 99% sure that I witnessed a violation, tie goes to the runner and I'm not going to waste your time and especially mine by stopping you to give you a warning. I only stop those violations that I'm absolutely 100% sure occurred.

Once again, attitude is everything. You play nice, I can play nice. You wanna be an ass, I'll be a bigger ass. I hope Idiot learned an important lesson here..... Power of the pen Baby!

Entrapment! Bullshit!

My brother-in-law is an ass. When ever we have our family get togethers he always has some smart ass or derogatory remark about Law Enforcement. It chaps his ass when I don't react the way he thought I would. He's the type that is always stopped and cited for something he didn't do...... yeah right. Like I would jeopardize my career, my motor assignment and retirement to cite someone I've never met until I stopped them..... for a freakin' infraction!!!! PUH-LEESE GET A LIFE!

His latest bitch was about his local police agency conducting traffic enforcement on this winding road with no concrete center divide to separate the opposing traffic. There have been numerous traffic collisions with no injuries to serious injuries up to and including fatalities.

If you noticed I didn't use the word traffic ACCIDENT, because there's no such thing. When will people understand that two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time?

My butt sore brother-in-law noticed that this local police agency had an officer up in a bucket truck, you know the type the power companies use for work on power lines. Well this officer was using LIDAR at approaching traffic and radioing the lane the car was in along with the make and color to a group of motor officers waiting just down the road.

Now what an ingenious way to catch speeders! I love it. Now that's thinking outside the box (which incidentally is the same shape as my brother-in-law's head).

Now my inbred, uneducated brother-in-law bitched that it was unfair to drivers and it was in fact entrapment. He's of the mind (what little he has) that the police should be out in plain view probably with a flashing neon sign pointing to where the officer is.

You know the old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." The same goes for "You can send an idiot to school but you have to have a brain to learn." Hence my brother-in-law's problem.

So to the police agency who does traffic enforcement on that dangerous road, I hope you catch my brother-in-law someday. You'll know who he is when you stop him. He'll be boisterous, he'll try to get your goat by insulting you, your profession, even your mother. And after you cite him, expect a complaint to come your way from him.

He's a spineless pussy and that's how he handles business. He knows nothing about personal accountability. So cite him for what you can and when he's pressing hard on the 3 copies, ask him if his brother-in-law is a motor cop. If he replies yes, make sure you ask him what agency I work for because you've got a loaded starbuck's or peetes card coming your way and lunch is on my dime!

Hell I'd cite him myself if I saw that knuckle head driving head up ass in my city.

You're not special either!

I worked overtime last Saturday thanks to the State of California's Office of Traffic Safety and their click it or ticket grant. It's pretty amusing to see the faces of drivers as they all know too well that us motor types don't work the weekends.... easy pickings.

I decided to head out to the east side of South City and found a nice spot on the center median of one of our busy roadways we comically refer to as a "speedway". It was a very nice day, bright and sunny. This spot on the center median is a small pedestrian path and it gave me the perfect vantage point along with the direction the sun was shining to watch my prey approach.

It didn't take long for my first "rag" of the day. I see this SUV go by, driver wearing a brown shirt and no shoulder belt over his shoulder and across his chest.

I enter the speedway and quickly catch up to the SUV where I proceed to turn on my emergency lights to let the driver know he's been caught.

Of course as in most cases when I contact the driver the seat belt is on and they don't have the slightest clue about why they were stopped. I noticed the gray belt coming over his shoulder and across his chest and stood out against his brown shirt.

I tell him why I stopped him and he just lets out a deep sigh. After getting his driver license, registration and insurance card he tells me who he is. Yep it said the same thing on his driver license except the other fact which he told me that he was a retired pro baseball player from the Oakland Athletics.

I guess he figured that would get him out of a seat belt ticket... NOT! While I was standing by my motor scratching out his seat belt rag he must have thought "Maybe he isn't an A's fan."

When I re-approached his driver door with his ticket. He looked at me and said "No break for the old Giant eh?" Nope not today, press hard 3 copies.

Remember people, you have a better chance of winning the lotto or some state power ball before being given a break by a motor cop.

So yeah, I got his autograph, right inside the high lighted box with the words "Without admitting guilt, I promise to appear at the time and place indicated below."

I don't find this as blatant or offensive as those persons of the 11-99 foundation who abuse their membership by flaunting their bronze placards, license plate frames and vinyl 11-99 emblazoned vehicle registration holders.

Prying eyes

Once in a great while us motor dudes drop our motors. Not the hard crash into a car or a car into us, just the simple "oops, it fell on its side" type stuff with little or no damage. It's not a fun thing to have happen, number one because it's embarrassing as motorist drive by and see your Harley on its side. Second, they're freakin' heavy and a bitch to pick up by yourself, lest you want to call your motor partners up to give you a hand (usually the clapping type of helping hand and only of course after they've taken their numerous pictures for future humiliation).

One nice sunny morning all five of us were working in separate areas of South City. I had just completed a traffic stop when I hear my Nextel chirp. I see it's my Sergeant. I answer up and he asks, "Alright which one of you knuckle heads dropped your bike?"

I replied, "Wasn't me, I only do that in training. You better check Juan Jalisco, he's good for that every now and then." Well sure enough, it was Juan Jalisco. Thankfully he wasn't hurt or the motor either. What had happened was after clearing his traffic stop, Juan got on his motor to ride off. As he began a sharp turn the engine hesitated and caused the motor and rider to fall over.

Unbeknown to Juan, a wife of one of our Sergeant's worked in the building where the motor fell over. A co-worker of the Sergeants wife asked her if she knew if that motor officer was alright that had "crashed" in front of the building. Well the Sergeant's wife not knowing either, called her Hubby Sergeant and asked him. Well Hubby Sergeant didn't know either so he called the motor Sergeant....

Well the motor Sergeant sure as heck didn't know which one of his guys dropped his motor, hence the round of Nextel direct connect calls.

One of our traditions when one of us does something stupid like dropping our motor or anything else we deem appropriate is to use a pink rabbit sippy cup to drink coffee out of when we go to our local Starbucks.

You'd think pink and LAPD blue would clash.......