Bad Rap

Before I became a motor cop, I worked patrol.  That's what I believe most of us get into this profession for, to catch bad guys (and gals) and then take them to jail.  All motor cops started out driving patrol cars and volunteered for the specialty assignment of "Motor Officer" or "Traffic Officer", one in the same.

When I was in patrol division I worked the weekend graveyard shift.  It was a lot of fun.  I worked with a group of great officers and sergeant. 

One Friday night during our "line up" or pre-shift briefing we were all asked "Did you hear about 3 wheel terror?"  Well this other 3 wheel terror worked at the main jail.  I don't believe my real last name is too common, but common enough because including me there were a total of three of us with the same last name. 

Not a good combination to have 2, 3, and 4 wheel terror in the same department as people tend to not listen to the first name, just the last.

So as I recall the story being told, 3 wheel terror was single and "hooked" up with a civilian clerk at the jail.  The story goes that the clerk was separated from her husband who was a pretty big dude.  Funny how 3 wheel terror didn't know or didn't care to know about him (man thinking with the wrong head, again).  

As the story goes, after doing the "nasty", the "bump-n-grind" or whatever you may call it they fall asleep in each others arms (how romantic huh).  Hubby still had a key to "his" house and decided to come home.

Hubby walks into his bedroom and sees his wife and 3 wheel terror laying buck naked in each others arms.  Of course Hubby go "nucking futs" and proceeds to give 3 wheel terror an ass whoopin' that he won't soon forget.  I don't think his badge would have protected him even if he wore it through a pierced nipple.

3 wheel terror wakes up to the jealous wrath of Hubby and gets the shit kicked out of him.  3 wheel terror was able to get out of the house through a window with just his cell phone and nothing else.

That would have been a different sight to see, a naked man running down the street with just his cellular phone.  

Now here's the intelligence test.....you're buck naked, no car keys, no nothing but your phone and you're far from your home.  What do you do?

1.  Call your best friend and tell him or her to bring you something to wear and not to ask any questions and make him or her swear they'll take this little event to their grave without ever telling a soul.

2.  Go back to the house where you politely knock on the door and ask for your clothes, shoes and car keys.

3.  Call the local police department and tell them you want Hubby arrested for battery (fancy legalese for getting socked up) after you had sex with his wife.

For those of you who picked option #1, pat yourselves on the back. 

Which option do you think 3 wheel terror picked.  It certainly wasn't #1.  So if he didn't pick option #1, then obviously any other choice was certainly HUA (head up ass) choices.

Well Einstein called the local police department and wanted Hubby arrested for kicking his ass. We all had a real good laugh about his stupidity.  No arrest was made and he sure provided a good story to be spread around.  

After line up, I walked out to my patrol car and got into the driver's seat.  I noticed that the mobile computer in my car had 3 messages to me on it.  All the messages asked "Are you okay?",  "What happened dude?" and "Don't tell me that was you!"

So me being the joker that I am, I replied to the various messages with replies like, "it didn't happen like that, I got out of the house with my shoes and cell phone." and "I called the police to get him some assistance after I thumped him up."

Needless to say, every time I'd drop some prisoner off at the jail, I'd hear the whispers, see the quick glances towards me and the pointing fingers, "is that him?"  "Wow, he healed up pretty quick."  

I'd have to let them know "It was the other 'wheel terror'".  So it goes to say that in a big department like I used to belong to, a name and stupid incident would get around quickly all the way to the top.  Nobody cares about the first name, just the last name.

Even after 3 wheel terror left the department for another, the story still went around.  My only consolation was that 4 wheel terror had to put up with the same shit I did, and now that I've left that department for a greener pasture, he's the only "wheel terror" in the department now.

Good luck 4 wheel terror.