Open Mouth Insert Foot

I was sitting in traffic court the other day waiting for my case to be called. Being in traffic court is always amusing for us motor types. I've appreciated some of the funny and stupid things which defendants and officers have said.

My motor partner, Wyatt points out his defendant and said, "Boy she was a real bitch." His case gets called before mine, so I'm thinking this might be a little interesting.

Wyatt and his defendant are before the Judge. I watch Wyatt look over to the defendant as he smiled at her and nodded his head in way of a greeting. Well Missy just narrowed her eyes, hunched over slightly, pursed her lips and just gave him the nastiest glare ever.

Of course there was some chuckling coming from the rest of us who were seated. The Judge even noticed it as he leaned his head back, brought his chin to his chest and raised an eyebrow.

Wyatt and I have worked together for more than 10 years. He gives his testimony telling the Judge the events of this incident. After Wyatt had finished, the defendant is allowed to cross examine the Officer, in other words ask him questions.

She'd ask Wyatt a question. Wyatt would politely and professionally begin to answer her when she'd interrupt him and interject that he was mistaken or untruthful. The Judge of course would intervene and remind Missy that she needed to allow the Officer to answer her question without any interruption.

Missy would apologize, Wyatt would finish answering her question. MIssy asked Wyatt another question. As he was answering her, she again interrupted him saying he was lying and obviously had no independent recollection of the stop. Once again the Judge would remind her not to interrupt the Officer.

Missy's style of questioning and interruptions went on for some time. A typical traffic court trial will last maybe 5 minutes. This one went on for about 15 minutes.

Her questions pertained to the location of the stop, the violation she was alleged to have committed and the direction she was traveling. Throughout her line of questioning she was obviously trying to discredit Wyatt. So she finally gets through her questions and makes her statement to the Judge. The Judge listened to her very patiently.

When she had finished her statement the Judge asked Wyatt if he had anything further. Wyatt's reply, "Yes your Honour, Missy's testimony about the location, violation and direction of travel are all correct." The Judge looked at Wyatt and tilted his head to the side.

Wyatt finished by saying, "The violation and location of the stop is for the other ticket I had given Missy about a month prior to this one."

The Judge found her guilty and before sentencing, he always asks the defendant if they've had any tickets in the last three years.

Missy looked over at Wyatt and glared at him again, when she said, "Only the ones he's given me!"