Friday, January 9, 2009

Best Insult Ever (or at least so far).

Due to the nature of my job, most people are not happy to see me in their rear view mirrors.  Even less when I'm standing at their driver door.  

So one day I'm parked at one of my favorite duck ponds, minding my own business (watching for speeders) on a roadway.  So while I'm parked at this location, totally in the open, I see this car approaching.

I see that it is leading a whole pack of cars and it's increasing it's lead like a NASCAR driven driver.  The posted speed limit for this road is posted at 40 or at least that's what those white signs say with those black numbers on it.  

I think I have it figured out now, you take the number on that sign and add lets say 15 to 20 mph and we're off with a green flag!

So as this approaching car is coming toward me expecting a checkered flag and kissing the knock out gorgeous trophy woman (or dude in this case because it was a "she" who was driving).  I lock in her speed at 62 mph with my handy dandy laser radar (what a cool toy, believe you me!)  

So this car gets the checkered flag along with a police motorcycle escort with flashing lights not quite to the winners circle, but to the side of the roadway (the name of the game is improvisation).  

I contact the female driver of this nice black BMW sedan.  I tell her that I stopped her for her speed and could I have her driver license, vehicle registration and an insurance card.  When I asked her if she knew what the posted speed limit is and how fast she was driving she was clueless but tells me in a bitter and scorn tone of voice that she wasn't speeding.  

I tell her what the posted speed limit is as well as how fast she was traveling.  She tells me her BMW doesn't accelerate that fast.......come on!  I was born at night but not last night!!  She handed me her driver license and told me she didn't know where her registration or insurance card was.  She made no effort to even look for it!

So I saunter back to my motorcycle to scratch out a rag to give her a personal invitation to our local Superior Court.

CLUE!  Attitude is everything people.  You want to get into a pissing contest with a motor officer and you're gonna lose because we have the power of the pen and if we feel like it we can really "paper fuck" you.

Due to the Princesses attitude, I raged her for her speed, I decided to include the registration and insurance violations too.  To add a little more to it, I remembered  she didn't have a front license plate as I looked through the sight of my laser radar and tagged that one on also.

While she signed the ticket, I explained to her the violations I had cited her for.  She replies "What's the matter, couldn't you find more!!"  I told her I had run out of lines to write violations on and did not have a continuation citation for any further violations that I guess she was begging me to look for.

I handed her copy of the ticket to her as she ripped it out of my hand.  She looked at me with a scowl and said "You need to get rid of that mustache, it's so 80's."

I laughed and told her I had never heard that one before.  After she happily drove away, I thought to myself, she's right, but hey I lived the 80's and they were a lot of fun.  So I'm still sporting the mustache and have no plans to get rid of it.


  1. you're gonna lose because we have the power of the pen and if we feel like it we can really "paper fuck" you.

    Be careful you don't let your attitude get in the way of doing your job. You are a peace officer, not a judge.

    Not too long ago, I was cited by a large city motor officer because I "violated" a sign placed on private property where the property owner was trying to prevent people from making lawful U-turns in his entrance.

    In my state, signs prohibiting U-turns must be placed before the affected intersection and to the right, so they are visible before the turn could be made. As well, all signs have a DoT marker on them. I indicated to the officer that it was not a lawful sign because it did not appear on the right side of the road nor did it have a DoT marker; in fact, the sign could not be seen until after a U-turn was made, clear evidence it was not a lawful sign. He told me he was going to "teach me a lesson" for my "attitude" and cited me.

    I went to court. My case thrown out when I demonstrated to the judge that the sign was not placed by the city but, in fact, by the property owner. As well, I brought to the court's attention a state statute that required the police officer to notify DoT of an unlawfully placed sign. The judge told the officer should therefore notify DoT about the unlawful sign.

    A few weeks later, I happened to drive by the same location and noticed not only had the sign not been removed, the same motor officer was citing yet another motorist for making a lawful U-turn because of the unlawful sign.

    I notified the police commission and filed a complaint about the officer in question. I included as evidence of my complaint information about how he had been ordered by the judge to notify the DoT and that he was citing people for a sign he clearly knew was unlawful.

    The police officer in question was subsequently reprimanded for his actions and placed on unpaid leave for a week.

  2. Donna,
    My hat is off to you. You are living proof that the "system" works. Unfortunately every line of work has some bad apples.

    I will tell you that my quote was not to be judgmental. I truly do understand that people do not like being pulled over and given a ticket for some vehicle code infraction.

    The point I was trying to make (and maybe not so eloquently) was that a driver's attitude determines if I am going to cite him/her for the original violation or add on additional violations when they can't find their current insurance card or vehicle registration.

    I will typically stop a driver for their speed and usually if they cannot find their insurance or registration, I have no problem what so ever on giving them a break for those violations and typically do.

    In saying that, when I run into the not so common hostile, irate driver who won't accept the responsibility of their driving and say that I'm profiling them or that I made up the reason for the stop, I use my discretion to cite them for the additional violations as well.

    To think that I or any officer for that matter would purposely fabricate a reason to stop a car for an INFRACTION to write a ticket, and risk my dream, livelihood, career, retirement, and tarnish my fellow officers and department is incomprehensible. It just does not make sense to risk a job that pays anywhere from $75K to $100K+ a year.

    Once again kudos to you for doing your research and winning your case.

    Personally, I don't care if I win, lose or draw in traffic court. You'll never see me keeping a tally of how many guilty verdicts are rendered or how much their fines are. I really don't care either way. I try to keep the roadways safe that you, I and everybody else uses.

    I'd rather a person personally hate me for a ticket I've given them if that prevents them from becoming a fatality statistic, and hope that they live a long healthy, successful life and are able to watch their children graduate from high school, college, get married, raise a family etc.

    Those of us who chose to work as motor officers do so voluntarily. If you could see through my eyes the broken bodies of adult and children, the heartache of family members left behind, to witness the autopsies, and to watch helplessly as someone takes their last breaths truly takes its toll on us.

    My blog is meant to show our humor in what is mostly a humorless profession, to laugh, to vent maybe even a form of therapy to deal with the not so nice things about life that hopefully you'll never have to experience.

    Your comment was spot on and appreciated.
    Thank You,
    2 Wheel Terror

  3. 2 Wheel,
    Thank you for defending those of us who love our mustaches.


  4. 2 Wheel, you sound like a great guy! I work in an ER so I encounter a lot of LEOs plus I see first-hand the results of what you see on the street.

    Almost all of the police officers I know are hard-working and committed to their jobs. They embrace the philosophy of "to serve and protect."

    Unfortunately, the motorcop I encountered was flat-out lazy. He was shooting fish in a barrel, and he knew better. He was also grossly overweight, which I think is telling in many ways.

    What surprised me more than anything was how boring that must be to sit in the same spot and cite people who were not in violation of the law. I would think it would be much more of a challenge to nab some actual offenders.

    Be safe out there!