Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Ticketed twice must suck

We have this one roadway that we affectionately refer to as the (name of street) speedway.  This section of the road is where driver's seem to have a particularly hard time matching the numbers on their speedometers with those white signs with the black numbers on them (not really a tough thing to do).

So there I sit in the wide open with my motor partner parked along the curb near the corner of the intersection which gives me an unobstructed view up to 4000 feet of oncoming, unwary motorists.  The posted speed limit is 45 mph.  Typically we get drivers doing in excess of 60 mph.  

There is a daycare center nearby where during the summer the small children are all holding onto a rope as they take a walk around the park like setting.

While I sat there watching cars approach and drive by (it's not as boring as you think), I noticed this one car heading toward me, up hill and looked to be hauling ass.  I'm thinking its traveling in excess of 60 mph.  

So I point my handy-dandy LIDAR (generally referred to as laser radar) at the approaching car and get a speed reading of 63 mph.  

I holstered my LIDAR, fire up the bike and turn on my emergency lights as the car gets closer. The car passes as I pull behind it.  The driver sees me as he passed the corner I was stopped on. He immediately pulls over and stops in a public transit bus pull out.

Upon contact he's really apologetic and kept repeating "Please to forgive me, please to forgive me."  

We have the usual short conversation where I start off, "Good morning, afternoon, evening, Officer 2 Wheel Terror, South City PD.  I then ask him the usual, 1) I stopped you for your speed, 2) what's the posted speed limit, 3) how fast were you going, 4) driver license, registration and proof of insurance.

My initial contact ends with "Unfortunately I'm going to give you a ticket for the speeding, I'll be right back."

When I walk back up to his door, the driver begins to question me on my qualifications, the equipment I was using, how long I've been a cop and can he see the LIDAR.  So I politely answer his questions and I remind him his signature is not an admission of guilt.  He states that he wants to see the LIDAR first before he signs.  

People, this is not "Lets make a deal" and no, you don't get to pick what's behind door #2.  I told idiot I'd be more than happy to show him the LIDAR after he signs.  He tells me he won't sign the ticket until he sees the LIDAR.  

Well out comes my "Show Host" personality where I tell him option (door) #1 is me giving him his copy of the ticket after he signs and option (door) #2 is my handcuffs on his wrists, under arrest, sitting in the back of a patrol car and off to jail.  

Obviously "Idiot" is not as much of an idiot as I thought he was.  He signs and I happily give him his copy.  I walk back to my motor, grab the LIDAR and walk back up to his door.  I show him his locked speed and the distance of about 300 feet.

Einstein asks, "How do I know that's me?"  "Does it 'capture' my license plate or a picture of my car speeding?"  Lets be realistic here.... "No"  

You feel like giving replies such as ".... and if you wear this government issued aluminum foil LIDAR beam deflector hat you'll never get caught speeding again." or "just place that bag of microwave popcorn on your dashboard and if there's a cop around with a LIDAR the popcorn will start popping, a real inexpensive but effective LIDAR detector."

I'll be taking pre-orders via this blog for both items.

Seriously!  THINK ABOUT IT!!  Do you really think I'm gonna jeopardize a great career which pays well, allows me to retire at age 50, and give up my gig of being a professional motorcycle rider..... just to write you a goddamn ticket?  "Oh Hell No!!!!"

I tell all drivers I meet, greet and educate that it is their right to handle the matter personally in court.  I don't really care if you handle it through the mail or exercise your right to contest the ticket.

Einstein tells me he intends to measure the distance at which I locked his speed at.  I told Einstein that he couldn't leave his car parked in the public transit bus pull out.  So this genius gets into his car, pulls out of the bus pull out and parks along the curb which is painted red and has those cute little signs which say "NO PARKING AT ANYTIME".

I'm standing there writing my notes about this traffic stop.  I've made it a habit and have had enough practice to be able to write my notes without looking down, allowing me to keep my eye on hazards, like drivers and their automobiles.

So I watch Einstein grab several tape measures, and folding wooden measuring sticks.  He walks by me and says that he's going to measure the 300 feet to pinpoint his exact location.  I replied "knock yourself out."

I watched Einstein walk down the road out of view.  Meanwhile my motor partner who had cleared his traffic stop pulls up and asks me what's up.  I told him the driver was going to measure 300 feet.

He exclaims, "You gotta be fucking kidding me!"  Then he says "Is that his car."  I replied "Why yes, yes it is."  He fires up his motor and pulls behind the car where he issues a parking ticket for parking in a red zone.


1 comment:

  1. "Einstein" picked wrong battle to fight. Thanks for another laugh!