Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Drivers and Lemmings, Similar Behavior

The other day I attended an all day class to better my investigative skills pertaining to certain types of crimes.  Much to our surprise class was out at 4:00 pm which is earlier than my normal 10 hour shift ends.  

So our entire traffic division who were in attendance were feeling pretty good to be leaving "work" so early.  Much to our surprise our Sergeant informs us that there's been a serious traffic collision and that we'd all be needed at the scene to conduct an investigation and map the scene.

Once again with our usual pranks, we thought he was joking, but this time he wasn't.  So into uniform we all went and responded to the scene.  I've never seen a group of happier patrol officers when they saw us arrive.

Now one of two westbound lanes were closed off by highly visible orange cones as well as a South City maintenance truck with its flashing amber lights going.  Now the truck was parked in the closed off lane.

For those drivers who slow down when they see a "cone zone", police vehicles with pretty lights flashing, flares on the roadway, uniformed police officers directing traffic and a couple of crumpled pieces of metal which used to be cars, I want to extend my gratitude and thanks.  

Because of cautious, common sense drivers like you, you slow down all of the other dumb shits behind you posing as drivers.  Us officers who are standing in the roadway really appreciate your taking the time out of your busy day to help us with our safety.

To the group of Head Up Ass motorist who bitch and moan when they have a slow driver ahead of them while driving through a collision scene, get a fuckin' clue will ya!  Take the hint when you see orange cones, flares, police vehicles with emergency lights flashing, crumpled cars and police officers directing traffic.  All of this means slow the hell down.

I can just picture those TARD drivers yelling as they go whizzing by, "Look at the pretty lights, look at the pretty lights, Me like pretty lights!"  

Just because the damn sign states 40 mph as the posted speed doesn't mean you drive that fast through an accident scene.  In a perfect world we'd have some stereotypical asshole motor cop waiting for you as you exit the area of the crash and write your dumb ass a well deserved ticket.

Now here's the kicker, everybody is driving in the one open lane and appeared to understand that the lane with no traffic and blocked by orange cones was the one not to use.......or so I thought.

Now when someone refers to all cops are assholes, I understand its a general blanket statement and no insult taken on my part.  So no insult taken on your part when I use the general blanket statement about Head Up Ass drivers.  Nuff said.

I see this Yahoo drive into the closed lane through a gap in the orange cones.  I hold up my hand in a motion for him to stop.  When he stopped I pointed with my other hand for him to get back into the flow of traffic where the smart people were driving.  

Shit Head thinks he's special I guess as he remains stopped.  Then I see his arm and hand poke out of his driver window as me motions for me to come over to his car like I'm some fuckin' waiter.  So I politely waved back.

Shit Head must have taken my wave back as serious because he honks his car horn and waves for me to come over to his car.  I waved back and motioned again to get back over to the lane of moving traffic.

He honks his horn a couple of times at which time I wave to him a third time (this game was getting fun because one of the other motor officers waved back also).  Shit Head gets out of his car as I yell at him to get on the sidewalk (for his safety of other like minded drivers).  

He walks up near to where I am standing and says "I need to get to that store." as he points to the shopping center whose entrance is incidentally closed because of the crashed cars.  I inform him (politely) that there is a second entrance through a small set of businesses a little west of the original entrance.  He tells me he's lived in South City for 25 years and has never had to take another route to the store.

Okay people, I understand we're creatures of habit.  We usually drive the same way to and from work, shop at the same grocery store, go to the same coffee shop, park in or near the same parking spot everyday and so on and so forth.

Get a clue, try finding alternate routes to where you conduct your normal business.  You'd be amazed that if your normal way is closed because to drivers decided to meet one another by introducing their cars head on, you can still magically get to the same place with a little different scenery.

So how are lemmings related to this story you ask?  Shit head driver begins to drive forward to exit the closed lane and wouldn't you know it, several drivers pulled into the closed lane to follow Shit Head.  I let nature take its Shit Head re-entered the open lane so did the other three TARD drivers.

People watching can be very amusing.  I love my job!!! 

1 comment:

  1. you think that's good, try this...

    My FD recently purchased brand new plastic collapsible cones, and we were just itching to use them. We finally got the chance the other day when we coned off the road going through our little park because we were doing Ice Rescue training in the pond, and we had equipment all over the place, so we shut the small road down. Well, all of a sudden some elderly yahoo drives over and shatters one of our brand new plastic cones. We go over to him and ask what he was thinking/not thinking. His response was "Well I thought some one fell through the ice and I was coming to help" It was all I could do to restrain my self from saying "oh thank god your here, the 3 large fire trucks, two ambulances and the 25 or so people in ice suits and life jackets simply wasn't enough..."